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Papa, Please Don’t Die

I was close with my grandfather, we had a good relationship. But I always had this fear inside of me. You see while i was very young my grandfather was diagnosed with Emphysema. Later on when i was slightly older, we found out he also had heart disease. They only gave him a few months.

Yet he lasted years. So eventually our fears were placated and we went on. But one night, changed my life forever. My father was the pastor of a church and he was a missionary as well as a singer ( for the Lord ) and he owned a radio ( For the Lord ) and a book store. He teaches about the Bible. And as i grew up- i knew that one day, I would grow up to be just like him. That he would leave all of this to me, so i became  his shadow. I loved the Lord, but I wasn’t so sure this was what i wanted to be so dedicated to. I mean i saw first hand how it hurt my family, but my dad didn’t let anything stop him.

One night my aunt got a call. We were all in the Bronx, in our apartment, having a good time. The eldest cousins were there. And in our house in Pennsylvania, were my grandparents, my uncle ( with special needs ), and my other uncle,  and my small cousin, Brandon ( who was about 6 ).

The call was from my aunt’s husband, my uncle Kevin. He was saying that my grandfather couldnt breath and that they wanted to call 911. As soon as we got that call, it was as if the world fell from my grasp. My cousins and I went to the room to pray. And we were told that we were going to leave- to Pennsylvania, to be with Papa ( grandfather )

Dad went alone in his car, while i went in the small car with my two aunts and my cousin, Jeggy. Her and I were like sisters, only a year apart- we were like twins.

Another call- ” He’s in heart failure!” Oh, I was sobbing uncontrollably my heart wrenching. I was hollow, i begged God and all the Angles in heaven. I pleaded with Mother Mary. I did everything in my power. Then i realized, it wasn’t in my power.

I had just one more request for God,

 If it is your will- let it be done. But I love him, and taking him would be like taking a piece of my heart with him. But do it, if you must. Only- do not let him suffer.

I began to sing a song, My redeemer Lives, by Jadene Williams. My cousin joined in, and we grasped hands. Holding on to each other for dear life. Another call- ” Their trying to stabalize him”.

Soon we were there, my cousin and i jumped out of the car and ran all the way through the parking lot into the hospital my twin aunts not far behind. Together we walked into the family room where we noticed.

People we hadnt seen in years were here. Friends, Family, all for him.

See how he is loved. 

After hours of  frightening worry, we were ALL allowed to see him. We went in, the eldest cousins of the family standing at the foot of his bed.

My strong, funny, kind, gentle, loved, grandfather was lying on the bed, twitching and shaking, he had tubes protruding from every inch of his body. One of my cousins left, the another then another, i was the only one left. I hadn’t shed a tear yet. It seemed as if all the tears i had were left in that car, but i wished i could, i wished i could cry for him. Though it would do no good.

My aunt led me out, and into the family room. She said four words that made my body shake, and made my heart swell once more, and my mind awaken.

” Where is your faith?”

Where was that amazing feeling i used to feel? That faith? Why couldn’t i simply believe that my grandfather was going to be okay?

I looked at my cousin, i knew that this must be so much harder for her, Jeggy. She was raised by that man. And i found my faith in her.

My father drove us home. But I couldn’t manage sleep. My cousin and I stood up all night together. Not talking, not crying, just praying. It wasn’t till about 5 in the morning that we noticed. My Uncle Steven had come home, and asked for my grandmother to go to the hospital, they had said there was no hope.

NO GOD NO! HE IS ALIVE! MAKE HIM ALIVE AGAIN! YOU ARE THE ONLY DOCTOR! HEAL HIM! NOW! FOREVER! PLEASE! NO GOD NO!” over and over, jumping around the house knocking things down.

But we went upstairs to sleep, but no sleep came. We stayed in the room with the younger cousins, and i stared at them. All scrunched close together on one small bed. All four of them together. As if that would help them, the two eldest at the ends, the two youngest in the middle. All four boys were holding each other close. There was two empty spaces so both my cousin and i slid in. Holding them for a moment. But we got up and slept in the bigger bed, right above them.

We went downstairs at 11 o clock the next day when the whole family came inside.  Everyone was in yesterday’s clothes. But they brought great news.

He HAD been dead for 45 minutes, but then a miracle occurred. He was alive again.

After that our family was closer than ever, and I cherished every minute  i had with my grandfather. It was the worst night of my life . But it had made me so much stronger, and it had changed me in so many ways.

At school i stood up to bullies who ” believed in God but didn’t at the same time ” I said I believed and didn’t feel ashamed. I began to like working with my dad, i began to help him by sending him belief quotes for when he preached. I began to read the Bible more, and pray every night, i  began to love God in so many ways.

Now i look forward to my future because i know nothing is impossible with God.

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